Get Unclogged

No I’m not talking about unclogging the pipes to your toilet but the pipes within your mind and body. I know this is starting off weird, I feel it too. Let me release the toxins of these thoughts through this post - I swear, I’m done with the toilet talk for now. Had to throw that last one in there. 

Recently I’ve been working on trying to let go of the thoughts and trauma that are still hanging onto me, weighing me down, clogging up my mind and heart with heaviness. I’m finally at this place where enough is enough and I just want to be released of it all. Life is short and I don’t want to be backed up, stuck on things that are not doing me any good. 

As I’ve been writing out my heaviness and talking about it with my therapist, I had this realization that I’m angry. Not just angry but fucking pissed. If you know me that probably doesn’t sound like me and that’s because I’ve spent my whole life smiling, being bright, and loving. I am all of those things but I’ve also been that person with all the things that have hurt me. It’s been the way that I’ve been able to survive and get to where I am today but it has definitely taken its toll. It has finally clogged me up mentally that there is no place for it to go other than face it head on and see my true feelings for what they are. Anger.

I’ve been afraid of this anger, thinking, what does this say about me if I’m angry? It’s pretty simple for me to see now, it makes me human. A person who has every right to be angry. 

Of course I don’t plan or want to be angry for very long but I need to feel the anger in order to release the toxins so that someday I can allow all aspects of life to flow through me, good or bad. Right now, there has been no place for any of it to go and so I don’t feel anything. I’m stuck. My mind and body is clogged with so much shit. It’s going to be back breaking work with me and this emotional plunger. I keep this image of myself being so free and just me, that it keeps me motivated.This is going to be a messy job but once the pipes are unclogged, everything can flow freely just as it should.